Hi, everyone. To be honest, these past days have been rather rough. I'm not trying to complain or be ungrateful for everything God and all of you have done for me, but this week has rather melancholic. Those who know me know I'm quite extroverted, and while it's a blessing to have my team nearby, the long days of not being able to go to church, meet new people, or do any outdoor ministry is taking its toil on me mentally and emotionally. Right when I was making new friends, had plans for drama ministry, and about to go back to language school... The virus had all halted to a sudden and heartbreaking stop.
I know in my mind that this pandemic isn't forever, and so many others around the world are greatly suffering and dying, but it doesn't help to relieve the loneliness and sadness in my heart. Therefore, instead of holding in everything, I'm going to do something I should have done a while ago: write a psalm to our Heavenly Father above. The following are my raw emotions and thoughts in the present time:
Oh Father of the Most High: please hear the outcry from Your flawed and desperate creation below. That evil which cannot be seen is cruising and rampaging throughout our lands, sowing fear, rage, and despair into our hearts and minds. It swallows our economies whole, gnashes our methods of transportation, and consumes the warm touch of a fellow human being. We're alone in the dark, the cold light of our electronics a poor substitute.
As I attend church service in my own living room, hearing the praises and worship emitting from metal and plastic speakers, my fleshly tongue cries out in desolation instead. As merry laughter erupts between fellow missionaries of a zoom meeting, connected by miles of invisible networks, I gnash my teeth in grim sobriety. As I extend my arm out, desperate for a warm hand to hold, all I feel are the plastic keys at my fingertips, clicking away in the dead silence of my dwelling.
I cry out to you, my beautiful perfect King: please save me. Save me from my self-destructive pride and rage, demanding reality to bend to my will, like a sort of insane autocrat on a cardboard throne. You and only You can truly save us all from that despair. You alone can truly and fully comfort the lost and lonely even in the darkest of places and times. Let me not fall into bitterness and anger over temporary inconveniences, but let me turn instead to gaze upon Your lovely face.
Thank you, oh my God, for being with your children in times of joy and times of sorrow. Give us the strength, noble ambition, and kindness to persevere through, and let us shine your glory to those who are dying in body and heart. Let your mercy and hope flow throughout the world and fill us all with your holy and warm touch. Praise be to you. Amen.
Please do not fret on my behalf. The last thing I wish to do is to worry everyone about my well-being, but do know that I have told all of my feelings to my teammates, who've been very supportive and uplifting. I thought it would be nice and different to write out my strong feelings for others to read. I do believe I communicate better through writing than talking at times. If you are feeling sad and lonely, please do not keep it all inside. Tell someone you trust about it! You're never alone! Thank you all so much for your continued support, and have a wonderful day!
Romans 8: 35-39
"Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? As it is written: 'For your sake we face death all day long; we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
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