To all my American friends and family, as well as to everyone around the world: Happy Thanksgiving! Although I'm sad to miss one of my favorite holidays with my family, my heart is bursting with joy for all that the Lord has provided and done for me this past year! My team and I already had a Thanksgiving feast a few weeks back, before Tom and Rosa departed for the States, so I got my fill of turkey, stuffing, potatoes, pumpkin pie and the works!
With 2019 coming to a close, it's giving me some time to self-reflect and plan for the future ahead. As I look at where my life has been, there's been one thing which has been a constant hindrance in my life: exercising and feeling good about myself. I admit that for most of my life, even as a child, I've had body image issues. I've always felt physically inferior to my peers growing up, continuing well into my teens and twenties. I think part of why I was bullied often was because I felt I didn't have the strength to stand up for myself.
I despised going to gyms, where I felt every eye judging me for my meager efforts on the weight machines, even if that's far from the actual truth. It's not rational, but I felt I was competing in a contest I had no chance to win. My heart was filled with comparisons and shame wherever I saw a movie or even a commercial with a buff manly lead carrying a swooning damsel, or just seeing fit men on the street. I lived feeling I was half a man, with nothing to show for it...
However, something changed in me the past few weeks: I realized I was not being thankful for who God created me as. I was living in comparisons, selfishness, and shame. I wasn't disciplined at all in what I did and wasn't taking responsibility for my actions and life choices. That is not how a follower of Jesus lives. The reality is I'm a 6'1'' 30 year old man with no serious health issues, mental illnesses, or debilitating injuries. There are many others in the world not so lucky, yet they live their lives to the fullest everyday. Why couldn't I?
A few weeks ago, as I was looking in the mirror, I said, "Soren. You don't like how you look? Let's change that right now." And right there and then: I did stretches, push ups, sit ups, and curls with a dumbbell, all before bedtime. I didn't count how many I did. I didn't shame myself for how little I could do. I just kept going until I couldn't any longer and then went to sleep. I've done this every single night for two weeks straight. Sure enough, I feel stronger in my arms and chest, and I even have a some stomach tone that I haven't had since college. It's even gotten to a point in which I enjoy exercising, which is something I've never did in the past. Even my sleep has greatly improved, giving me more energy in the day.
Therefore, I'm so thankful to God for reminding me to never shame myself, but to improve myself a little every day so I can better serve Him in all things. He has put me in this grand race of life, and I intend to strive toward the finish line as best as I can. Amen.
I'm also so thankful for every single one of you who've given support, both one-time and monthly, spent time reading my blog, and knelled down to pray for myself, my team, the city of Sendai, and all of Japan. All this would have been impossible without God's provision and your generosity, and I can never be grateful enough. Know that no matter who you are, or what you've done: Jesus loves you more than anyone can comprehend, and He doesn't ever want you to live in shame or self-hatred. Ever. If you feel yourself being torn apart by a nasty inner voice, I urge you to please kneel down and call out to Him. He's looking forward to hearing from you and wants to express His deepest love to you. Thank you.
On a lighter note: I have enough money for my Christmas visit to Tokyo! Thank you all so very much for your donations, support and prayers throughout this year and I can never express my gratitude enough for all you have done for me and my ministry! I look forward to this new year with joy and high expectations for what God has in plan for our team, Sendai, and all of Japan!
2 Samuel 22:33-34
"The God who has girded me with strength has opened wide my path. He makes my feet like the feet of a deer; he causes me to stand on the heights."
Hebrews 12:11-13
"At the time, all discipline seems a cause not for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness to those who are trained by it. So strengthen your drooping hands and your weak knees. Make straight paths for your feet, that what is lame may not be dislocated but healed."
What a wonderful blog post! Thanks for being so honest and also for inspiring me to just make time and do some exercise this month! I too have been struck by the lesson that our worth is not comparative! (I have lived my whole life either feeling prideful when I saw myself as better than others or in shame and sadness when I fell short). This year I have learned that God wants us to compare ourselves to him...fall terribly short, and rely on his abounding grace and love which has covered our weakness! This blog also encouraged me because I see how your family's value of frankness/honesty (which I first saw modeled by your parents) has been passed on…